Last year at this time I was probably sitting on floor number –1 of Hadassah hospital in Jerusalem getting infused with Cisplatin intravenously, mentally clenching my teeth in thought of the week I would have ahead of me, filled with nausea, puking in the morning, lack of appetite, no sense of taste and a weakness and fatigue which left me basically lifeless, pale and skinny for months to come. My only solace was my loving friends and spouse, and my daily 11AM snack of highly potent medicinal marijuana brownies, which enabled me to lift up my head from the deep, muddy waters of feeling like a victim of cancer.
Now, one year later I am sitting on the terrace of my rented house in the jungle on the beautiful island of Koh Phangan in Thailand. So that means I’m all better ,right? Cancer is gone? Well, no. It’s not gone it actually came back, and as it usually does, with a vengeance. An innocent pain in my lower back late last August turned out to be a stage 4 tumor 6.5 over 3.5 cm eating away at my Ilium bone and heading rapidly towards my sacrum. For cancer cells to jump from the salivary gland, also a non typical type of head & neck cancers, straight to bone tissue is extremely rare. Usually the cells metastasize first in the lymph glands in the upper part of the body, and slowly migrate down. A case like mine where in manifested so quickly and violently in a very lower part of the body is something so rarely seen in Oncology that the head Doctor in the ward said he had only one case similar to this in all of his 40 years of medical practice. Well, I always knew I was special…
Putting it plainly without sparing the bad news, the Doctor said this cancer is incurable, and that I have about 6 months until this cancer spreads to other parts of my body and kills me. If I undergo aggressive chemotherapy, more potent than the one a had last year, it’ll take 1.5-2 years until it kills me (that is if the poison doesn’t kill me first). Not very optimistic to say the least.
So this is my reality now – I have a terminal illness. Or is it? I’m 32. I’m happy. Why? I don’t know why but the Doctor’s news came to me as a fresh call for awakening rather than a death sentence. It was crystal clear to me that from that moment on I am dedicating my life to healing. First of all healing on the physical level, in every natural and harmonious method available today and which is generally out of the scope of modern medicine, which is the only reason they can give such grim predictions on people lives. Their scope consists of 3 methods for fighting cancer: Surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. In natural “alternative” medicine we see things differently and the statistics and narrow sighted predictions aren’t as scary as they may seem to one who is familiar only with was the Doctors tell them and blindly trust everything they say. This is why I’m not worried and I have a lot of faith in the healing power of the universe and my body’s natural capability for regeneration.
So that is what brought me back to Thailand, to the wonderful community of Agama Yoga on the island of Koh Phangan. Before coming here I underwent 2 weeks of daily radiation treatment to gain control over the tumor and save my bone from rapid deterioration, while buying myself time to deal with the cancer in a natural way, which can take longer than Chemotherapy. Getting chemotherapy wasn’t even an option to consider as far as I’m concerned. I’m still getting over the detrimental effects of the previous round last year, and this time doing it would keep me dependant on the medical system until I die. If I have a short amount of time to live (which I don’t), then I want it to be the best time of my life, not having spent it hooked up to hoses pumping me with poison and making my life unbearable.
3 days after finishing radiation treatment, with practically no immediate side effects, I got on the plane to Thailand. Landing on the island I reunited with Gali who had just spent a month and a half in India teaching in the Rishikesh branch of agama and spending time with a great spiritual teacher, and with a lot of friends, some of whom have been keeping track of my health condition and some surprised to learn about the recent developments. But everyone with no exception is giving me full support, love and understanding. I was immediately put into the attention of the entire teaching staff and under the guidance of Swami, all teachers were asked to preform a blessing for me in the beginning of each class. This is a technique practiced often in the school when one of the students or someone related to a student is suffering from an illness and is in a far away place. This time it’s even more powerful since I’m here in the school and people know me personally. I was deeply moved by this gesture and I can honestly say I feel the healing energy permeating more and more everyday into my etheric
I feel I am most definitely in the right place for healing. I’ve received a long list of Yoga practices, nutritional guidelines, herbal and homeopathic remedies, various natural therapies such as magnets, light, oil pulling, urine therapy and spiritual practices like positive thinking, affirmations, prayers and guiding love as my medicine for this journey. But above all I have faith, which I believe is the most powerful source of healing in the universe. I don’t believe the doctors in their pessimistic predictions. I choose to take responsibility over my own life and I’m motivated to live a long and full life, opening up to all the forces in the universe that support me saying a big YES to life. I choose not to be a victim of this illness, but rather harness the powerful energy this illness has given me towards awakening and realizing what I was put here on this planet for and essentially who I am. I’m still in the process of finding out, as I always was before, but now the speed has accelerated and the universe is asking me, quite impolitely I may add, to trust god. To trust the power of love and surrender completely to those powerful truths. There is so much love and beauty in the world, and for some reason we choose not to see it most of the time, focusing on what we want to be different in our lives rather than seeing that everything is perfect as it is – even cancer, with all the ugliness and nasty stories we affix to that word.
Cancer for me is a teacher, a guide, a powerful manifestation of the divine taking me into the unknown realms of the mind and heart and allowing them to awaken into the reality of light and oneness, filling my heart with love and pure light from the divine source of which it is a part of. Reality is not what is perceived through our minds and senses. It is vaster and much more luminous than what we think and as we peel off our limiting ideas about it and layers of obscurity we can truly open up to the powerful current of love and light of which it is made and is the true essence of who we are.
