New Decade

1/1/10

It seems to me sometimes as if it me who is the one experiencing all of this. Like there is some higher overlooking presence looking at this body and all the shit its going through, the mind which is influenced by what the body is going through. When the pain and the suffering start becoming a daily ordeal, it's as if something realizes there is more to the reality right now than this.
Last night, when I was Djing for 7 hours straight in our New year's eve party here in the village, I felt the best I have felt yet since I began radiation and Chemo 2 weeks ago. The flow of energy between me and the people and the music instilling positive vibrations in my body had a tremendous healing power and I was not busy with nausea, throat aches, mouth sores or any of the other little but annoying things I have to deal with these days. When i'm totally present and alive in what i'm doing, and if I love doing it like a love Djing, it creates release, true freedom from suffering. It's the goal of meditation, to be free of Dukha (in Pali – unsatisfactoriness for lack of a better translation. This is why I like to use the Pali word because it so specific). I am free in the present moment from any discomfort related to bodily issues or other issues because essentially, they do not exists in the present moment. Physical pain is a derivative of space and time. Only if time is in the picture, can I experience the suffering behind pain, otherwise it is merely sensations and vibrations, pulsating in consecutive moments we perceive as occurring in linear time and thus creating the illusion of a continuous sensation, which added up can accumulate to pain, according to its intensity, or any other sensation. Not to say these sensations do not exists, they do, but on a level which we can consider illusory, or very mundane. The future time continuum exists only in our minds, and does not exist in the truth of things. The only moment which can possibly be present in fact is the present one. All else is the projection of the mind. This deep insight allows us to see behind the matrix, in this case being our automatic patterns of reaction to external stimuli. Once that veil is removed, we can be free from time and thus from the projection of our own experiences which produce suffering.
The beauty of it though is that this cannot be seen and cultivated by thinking all these things out and saying: “right, this sounds logical, i'll do that”. It just doesn't work like that. We have to cultivate a actual experiential seeing into the nature of reality, again and again, so our mind body gets the hang of it and starts doing it on its own, spontaneously. The more we are able to experience moments of full presence in meditation or in doing something we love doing with deep awareness, the more those moments of pain will not seem so bad. It develops an inner-seeing, an innate quality in us which will slowly transform our way of thinking and reacting to things. These is no way we are supposed to react or not react or try to convince ourselves mentally the pain is just pain and is not really that bad, it a cultivation of deeper insight which naturally and organically becomes our nature.
This quality is what allows healing as well. It's the same quality which enables us to come into contact with the higher aspects of the universe and the forces working behind it. When we are not caught up in future projection, in the continuity of space and time, we realize what lies beyond it, and that has tremendous amount of energy, since it is the source of all energy and manifestation. It's the source of who we are, the atoms of which we are made of and source of healing any physical or psychological disharmony we may have. It's worthwhile to take a period of time each day and dedicate it to this aspect of reality.

Shabbat Shalom. Happy new year!